Well, it's been an interesting week. Let's start with last Saturday, when I underwent an entirely new experience with a few of the people closest to me. Hardcore drugs are nothing to fuck with, especially when you're screwed up as it is. But I took a leap of faith, and I'm glad I did. I learned two important things that night.
1. I can't do the fuck buddy thing
2. I've become okay with who I am.
Yes, I'm still insecure. Yes, I'm still afraid of everything I do. But at least I can accept that now.
Sunday. I found a new fuck buddy. See, my conscious mind decided that my heightened mind was full of shit.
Monday (Valentine's Day). I made a whole bunch of new friends in unexpected places.
Tuesday-Yesterday. I spent all the time I had with one person, talking, laughing, getting to know him. Somewhere around Thursday, I knew something was different. Friday I missed him [which is definitely not normal for me]. Saturday, I asked my roommate if I was in over my head. Sunday, I smoked Hookah until my brain fell out and asked DJ his opinion. And this morning, at 2 am, after hours of talking and confessing and thinking, I decided that I can't be afraid of what James did to me anymore.
The name is Nik.
"Then, all of a sudden, something very spooky started happening. Every time I came to the end of a block and stepped off the goddam curb, I had this feeling that I’d never get to the other side of the street. I thought I’d just go down, down, down, and nobody’d ever see me again."
-Holden Caulfield, The Catcher in the Rye
Well, it's been an interesting week. Let's start with last Saturday, when I underwent an entirely new experience with a few of the people closest to me. Hardcore drugs are nothing to fuck with, especially when you're screwed up as it is. But I took a leap of faith, and I'm glad I did. I learned two important things that night.
1. I can't do the fuck buddy thing
2. I've become okay with who I am.
Yes, I'm still insecure. Yes, I'm still afraid of everything I do. But at least I can accept that now.
Sunday. I found a new fuck buddy. See, my conscious mind decided that my heightened mind was full of shit.
Monday (Valentine's Day). I made a whole bunch of new friends in unexpected places.
Tuesday-Yesterday. I spent all the time I had with one person, talking, laughing, getting to know him. Somewhere around Thursday, I knew something was different. Friday I missed him [which is definitely not normal for me]. Saturday, I asked my roommate if I was in over my head. Sunday, I smoked Hookah until my brain fell out and asked DJ his opinion. And this morning, at 2 am, after hours of talking and confessing and thinking, I decided that I can't be afraid of what James did to me anymore.
