During the day, I tell myself [and other people] that I'm coming to terms with being single. I mean, this is college. Relationships tie you down.
But tonight I'm alone in my dorm. I'm alone and I'm sober and the whole world is out there having fun. And I swear to god, every time I watch Glee and Kurt cries, I cry.
Can I tell you that I've created a workout program where I'm putting in 9 hours in 5 days at the gym just so I can pretend to feel good about myself? And really I'm just filling my time so I don't sit around a mope. Plus, I can blame my lack of a relationship on the fact that I'm so busy, while at night I tell myself that it's because no one will ever love me for me.
It's a sick psychological game I play with myself, but I can't stop.
Oh, and PS. I'm having flash relapses of my Bulimia days.
The name is Nik.
"Then, all of a sudden, something very spooky started happening. Every time I came to the end of a block and stepped off the goddam curb, I had this feeling that I’d never get to the other side of the street. I thought I’d just go down, down, down, and nobody’d ever see me again."
-Holden Caulfield, The Catcher in the Rye
During the day, I tell myself [and other people] that I'm coming to terms with being single. I mean, this is college. Relationships tie you down.
But tonight I'm alone in my dorm. I'm alone and I'm sober and the whole world is out there having fun. And I swear to god, every time I watch Glee and Kurt cries, I cry.
Can I tell you that I've created a workout program where I'm putting in 9 hours in 5 days at the gym just so I can pretend to feel good about myself? And really I'm just filling my time so I don't sit around a mope. Plus, I can blame my lack of a relationship on the fact that I'm so busy, while at night I tell myself that it's because no one will ever love me for me.
It's a sick psychological game I play with myself, but I can't stop.
Oh, and PS. I'm having flash relapses of my Bulimia days.
