I know that's completely contrary to pretty much every blog I've ever posted, but there's a first time for everything, right? I feel so... constricted by the allegiances I feel like I owe everyone.
Oh, hey, you're my friend, let me give you a chunk of my time.
I know that's completely selfish of me, especially since I owe my friends so much. And it's not like I'm doing anything better with my time. I shouldn't be so lazy that I feel like holding a conversation is a chore.
But good god, I'm feeling so suffocated. I need me time, goddammit. I've got so much I need to figure out, so much to think about. With McDonald's, Walgreens, USD, and my parents demanding my attention, plus the need for what little sleep I'm getting, I literally don't have time for anything else.
But I make time, right? I love you guys, I do. You know that. If you're unsure, our friendship is never going to last.
I have to break out of this. Out of how everyone expects me to act. I feel like I'm missing out on some instrumental part of life.
I thought I was in love. Upon further reflection, I realize that I've never been in love. Love is where both sides of the relationship are equal. Anything less is just harmful. Degrading. Abusive.
And much, much too difficult to be wasting my time on.
John, I love you. You know that. And you're still my best friend.
But college is going to change everything, and I can guarantee you that you won't be my #1 anymore. I was never yours.
The name is Nik.
"Then, all of a sudden, something very spooky started happening. Every time I came to the end of a block and stepped off the goddam curb, I had this feeling that I’d never get to the other side of the street. I thought I’d just go down, down, down, and nobody’d ever see me again."
-Holden Caulfield, The Catcher in the Rye
I know that's completely contrary to pretty much every blog I've ever posted, but there's a first time for everything, right? I feel so... constricted by the allegiances I feel like I owe everyone.
Oh, hey, you're my friend, let me give you a chunk of my time.
I know that's completely selfish of me, especially since I owe my friends so much. And it's not like I'm doing anything better with my time. I shouldn't be so lazy that I feel like holding a conversation is a chore.
But good god, I'm feeling so suffocated. I need me time, goddammit. I've got so much I need to figure out, so much to think about. With McDonald's, Walgreens, USD, and my parents demanding my attention, plus the need for what little sleep I'm getting, I literally don't have time for anything else.
But I make time, right? I love you guys, I do. You know that. If you're unsure, our friendship is never going to last.
I have to break out of this. Out of how everyone expects me to act. I feel like I'm missing out on some instrumental part of life.
I thought I was in love. Upon further reflection, I realize that I've never been in love. Love is where both sides of the relationship are equal. Anything less is just harmful. Degrading. Abusive.
And much, much too difficult to be wasting my time on.
John, I love you. You know that. And you're still my best friend.
But college is going to change everything, and I can guarantee you that you won't be my #1 anymore. I was never yours.
