I hate trying to explain what depression feels like. It makes me sound like some angst-filled teenager that rebels for the sake of rebellion and owns too much eyeliner.
Plus, there are no words that accurately describe it. Empty, lonely, crushed, scared; they all sound like an over dramatic representation of a tragic Shakespearian monologue.
Genuinely, depression for me is when I'm always alone, even though, physically, that's never the case. Even now, when I've got Stud so close to me; closer than I've ever let anyone in my entire life, including my parents. I text him, call him, tell him my secrets, tell him how I feel and yet.... I still feel like there's this wall isolating me.
Loneliness is one of the feelings I'm the most afraid of. I like having an anchor in someone because I'm so afraid I'll lose myself. I define myself by my relationships with other people. I always have. But when I can no longer identify myself by my best friends, I lose who I am and retreat into reflective silence, in which I'm stuck inside my own head.
That's what scares me the most. That's depression
8:02 PM
