I am fully aware of how angsty that sounds, but I'm beyond the point of caring. They bitch and complain to me that I'm not taking things seriously. So I try to sit down and have a serious conversation with them, and they belittle me to the point of tears.
I'm just trying to become my own person. And I want to do that before I get to college. I want to have myself figured out by then. But when I try to do anything in this mother fucking house, I get shut down and then made fun of, as though wanting to be my own person is something worthy of reprimand. I don't want to go to college and lash out so badly that I have to come crawling home. I'm so tired of being under my parents' thumb. I'm going to go insane. These are the reasons I still cut. It's right in front of their faces. I come to them with a reasonable request. I mean, they're lucky I came to them before I went and did it.
They just... I told John yesterday that I want to be a happy person. That I'm tired of being depressed, I want to look at life with a positive attitude. But my parents... My parents do whatever they can to make sure I'm unhappy. I can't make it through the next 4 months.
The name is Nik.
"Then, all of a sudden, something very spooky started happening. Every time I came to the end of a block and stepped off the goddam curb, I had this feeling that I’d never get to the other side of the street. I thought I’d just go down, down, down, and nobody’d ever see me again."
-Holden Caulfield, The Catcher in the Rye
I am fully aware of how angsty that sounds, but I'm beyond the point of caring. They bitch and complain to me that I'm not taking things seriously. So I try to sit down and have a serious conversation with them, and they belittle me to the point of tears.
I'm just trying to become my own person. And I want to do that before I get to college. I want to have myself figured out by then. But when I try to do anything in this mother fucking house, I get shut down and then made fun of, as though wanting to be my own person is something worthy of reprimand. I don't want to go to college and lash out so badly that I have to come crawling home. I'm so tired of being under my parents' thumb. I'm going to go insane. These are the reasons I still cut. It's right in front of their faces. I come to them with a reasonable request. I mean, they're lucky I came to them before I went and did it.
They just... I told John yesterday that I want to be a happy person. That I'm tired of being depressed, I want to look at life with a positive attitude. But my parents... My parents do whatever they can to make sure I'm unhappy. I can't make it through the next 4 months.
