"I don't know, but I don't want to talk about it. I was finally starting to like life, and now it's all going to change."
I've decided that my best work comes from folded up Walgreens receipts littered with my chicken-shit handwriting. I seem to have the best inspiration at the worst times, and by worst times, I mean at work. Most likely it's because the monotony of stocking shelves day after day gives me a lot of time to think. When I think, I have conversations with myself [today in an Australian accent] and ask myself the most difficult questions. I was hung up on college today. Unfortunately, that seems to be the topic of every conversation I have lately.
Don't get me wrong, I'm hella excited to blow this shithole, but there's always that shadow casting over my dreams. Namely, John. How can one be excited to leave the person that's keeping you alive? I want so many different things all at once. And I keep putting myself into hypothetical situations: What if Matt and I become something amazing? What if I get to college and the abrasive personality my friends love alienates me from the community? Everything I know is in this town, and that fact alone keeps me simultaneously clinging on and running away.
I tell Matt all the time that I'm afraid I'll go to college and make the same mistakes. But I realized today that it's not my mistakes that I'm afraid of. It's everyone else's. That's how I got fucked up in the first place. I can't go to college and lose myself in a sea of other people's bad decisions.
The name is Nik.
"Then, all of a sudden, something very spooky started happening. Every time I came to the end of a block and stepped off the goddam curb, I had this feeling that I’d never get to the other side of the street. I thought I’d just go down, down, down, and nobody’d ever see me again."
-Holden Caulfield, The Catcher in the Rye
"I don't know, but I don't want to talk about it. I was finally starting to like life, and now it's all going to change."
I've decided that my best work comes from folded up Walgreens receipts littered with my chicken-shit handwriting. I seem to have the best inspiration at the worst times, and by worst times, I mean at work. Most likely it's because the monotony of stocking shelves day after day gives me a lot of time to think. When I think, I have conversations with myself [today in an Australian accent] and ask myself the most difficult questions. I was hung up on college today. Unfortunately, that seems to be the topic of every conversation I have lately.
Don't get me wrong, I'm hella excited to blow this shithole, but there's always that shadow casting over my dreams. Namely, John. How can one be excited to leave the person that's keeping you alive? I want so many different things all at once. And I keep putting myself into hypothetical situations: What if Matt and I become something amazing? What if I get to college and the abrasive personality my friends love alienates me from the community? Everything I know is in this town, and that fact alone keeps me simultaneously clinging on and running away.
I tell Matt all the time that I'm afraid I'll go to college and make the same mistakes. But I realized today that it's not my mistakes that I'm afraid of. It's everyone else's. That's how I got fucked up in the first place. I can't go to college and lose myself in a sea of other people's bad decisions.
